


The light of the stars in the sky that I looked up to

by ModernArt2012



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst Warning, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Gen, Gratuitous Bleach Fic, On Purpose, Prompt 14: Bleach AU, SPOILERS FOR BLEACH, Sumigakure Halloween Event 2017, The bit that's over a decade old, hard Rangiku and Gin parallels, lol, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 03:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12645027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernArt2012/pseuds/ModernArt2012
Summary: Betrayals, and recollections.Or, musings on betrayal.





	The light of the stars in the sky that I looked up to

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the english translation of the first line of the first Bleach opening, Asterisk by Orange Range. One of my all time fave songs, even if the opening cards are simplistic.
> 
> Beware, spoilers for Bleach ahead.

Kakashi sat on the porch of his captain’s quarters, deep in the heart of his division, staring at the cold, unfeeling stars. For all that the Seireitei was the afterlife for the dead, always mild, always unchanging, it felt deader and colder tonight than it had any right to be. Maybe it was the fact he was the only one still left awake, that everyone else was in their beds dreaming, but he felt like he was the only one left in the world at that moment. Caught between this reality and the one of his recollection, neither giving him any peace.

 

The memory kept spinning in circles around and around in his head. Flash stepping through the False Karakura, past ruined buildings and ongoing fights, chasing after Obito’s reiatsu signature. His haori flapped like massive white wings in the wind,  _ like a white flag of surrender _ , Kakashi’s mind supplied helpfully. He’d been so proud of his haori when he’d made captain, the pristine white fabric and the way it marked him out as one of the most powerful Shinigami in all of Soul Society. Now it was stained in a way that all the bleach in the world would not, could not, remove. Power, and it meant nothing.

 

Catching Obito and Madara together had broken his heart. That Obito was willingly working towards destroying their home, their friends, going along with the plans of a madman.  _ You lost even before you fought _ .  _ Why couldn’t you have just realized his role sooner, asked him why he betrayed yo - betrayed Sensei and Rin and Kushina and the rest of Konoha. But you were too much of a coward, and you lost _ .  _ What kind of captain can you be called, that you lost to a lieutenant without even drawing your blade?  _ Kakashi has thousands of questions he wished he had asked before, back in the Academy, back on that rooftop. Regrets, he supposes, but regrets isn’t the right word for yearning? For the conversations he replays from their youth, to return to those happy times when they were both younger and less jaded.  _ If there had ever been a time that Obito wasn’t jaded _ . No, that was wrong. Kakashi had seen his smile time and again and again. They had been innocent once. Obito and Rin and Kakashi. 

 

_ Rin _ . Their friend, who had dreamed of entering the 4th division. Who had died mysteriously, who had wasted away from a deep and unending sickness that had drained her slowly of reiatsu. Who he had dreamed of, knocked out cold on that rooftop, when Obito had struck him down with a mockery of his kind smile. When Obito had taunted Kakashi for coming after him, barely able to stand. When they had faced each other as enemies in truth, when Obito had damaged Kakashi’s eye.

Kakashi hadn’t seen Obito’s actual fight against Madara, but Naruto and Sakura had. Naruto, who hadn’t come in time to save Obito, and Sakura, who had hidden herself to lay in wait but hadn’t been able to move to heal Obito in time, had let him come and answered him with bowed heads and heavy hearts and it wasn’t fair, that he only ever came too late. Kakashi’s tea trembles in the cup, long gone cold, and he has to set it aside to mask the trembling of his hands. He can’t tell if its rage or sadness - he thought he had gone numb, couldn’t feel anything in the aftermath. 

 

Sakura who had told him Obito had lied to Madara about killing him, lied about having any feelings except those that pertained to destroying Konoha and had stopped Madara from killing her and the rest of the Rookie 9, had turned and betrayed Madara by shoving his zanpakto through Madara’s chest, blasted a hole through Madara’s chest. He’d managed to find the sole weakness to Madara’s Tsukuyomi, and tried to utilize it to avenge Rin. 

 

Rin, who Madara had killed by leaching her reiatsu. Who had pretended to be sympathetic to Kakashi’s grief over his friend, who had  _ pretended _ to understand and console and leave flowers on her grave  _ like some psychopath _ . Madara, who had figured out how to turn himself into a Hollow, and had used the Hogyoku he had built to that end. It hadn’t mattered that Obito had stolen his Hogyoku, he’d still transformed. Had still used monstrous strength to rip off Obito’s arm, to slice him nearly in half. The betrayer betrayed, and betrayed in turn.  


 

He’d done his best to not cry in front of the kids then, even prickly Sasuke who hated shinigami with a burning fervor had looked away when he failed.To be pitied by a Quincy, yet Kakashi didn't care.  


 

He knew what happened next. Had gotten there in time to hold Obito as he died, see the blood stained white robes, get blood on himself, and cry as Obito apologized for failing, offered his eye to be with Kakashi so he wasn’t alone in seeing the future. He vaguely remembers Sakura coming in as Naruto and Madara fought, raining paths of destruction across the False Karakura, trying desperately to reject the damage and failing because Obito was already gone by then, then giving up at his request and transplanting a dark eye in place of the one in Kakashi’s damaged orbital. And then Kakashi had just held his scarred body close, because what was a world without Obito? Even when Obito had just been a betrayer, had gouged his eye, it was impossible to fathom. And now it wasn’t some false illusion or trick where Kakashi could just convince Obito to come  _ home _ , Obito was lost to the cycle of reincarnation and there was nothing Kakashi could do to meet his friend again. 

 

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that everyday went on like normal not that Madara is sealed and the regular drudge of life has been restored. Paperwork, training, meetings, more paperwork; Kakashi wants to scream but instead spends his days at Obito and Rin’s graves. Side by Side in a nice section of the 13th Division. He had had to fight the captain of the 3rd Division, but Konan had backed off after seeing the look in his eyes and had had her men stand down too. That was fine, Kakashi would have had no qualms about ripping through the 3rd Division if it had come to that. And yet, he wished he had fought them anyways. Tried to exorcise his demons on the end of a blade. Then he wouldn’t be where he was now.

 

Now, Kakashi sat on the porch of his quarters, unable to escape the movie tape reel running on repeat in his head, reliving the same moment as if trapped in an illusion. The light of the stars burned bright and cold and harsh, and Kakashi couldn’t help but remember and regret and yearn.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Yes that is a Bleach title reference  
> -This was rewritten so many damn times. SO. MANY. DAMN. TIMES. Then I got caught up relistening to the Openings, and a scene in the 13th opening caught my eye. Specifically the scene where Rangiku is crying and the tear nearly lands on Gin. This is a massive spoiler, but Gin was one of my favorite characters even if he was crazy creepy. He betrays everyone for Rangiku, but even that reason doesn't absolve him. It just explains. and it leaves believable scars on Rangiku (in the manga, iirc). (Granted, Gin is probably closer to Orochimaru in... snake-ness, but their personalities and backgrounds don't really sync up for me? Come throw me an ask if you want more details on this reasoning, I'm trying really really hard not to spoil Bleach, even though it's a decade plus old, jumped a shark, and ended badly.)  
> \- It's always been heavily implied that Rangiku and Gin were lovers/ liked each other a lot but never pursued it. I tried to give that same feeling here, but it is still up to personal interpretation about if they were a ship or not.   
> \- I used to Bleach as a fandom, so this is wild to be back after ... 5 years? I THOUGHT I WAS OUT, THEN NARUTO PULLED ME BACK IN.


End file.
